Relationships vary from one couple to the next, although you may find that you’re having similar issues to other’s you know or have heard of. It’s always comforting to know you’re not alone in your issues and others experience them too.
Communication is key, and lack of it can be the cause of a breakdown in your relationship. There may be other factors which play a part such as you or your partner feeling insecure and thus putting pressure on the other person to constantly tell him/her certain things or details about where/when they’re going out.
Relationships are complicated; communication, as mentioned above, is key as a result. Lack of communication in relationships can lead to assumptions being made (which may be wrong), which can lead to more issues – this could be the difference between your relationship lasting or coming to an end.
Every relationship will have issues (you won’t find a single relationship that doesn’t have issues), but the right time to seek help and support through relationship therapy can be determined by asking yourself whether you are happy. If you’re not, it may be the right time to seek help. If you believe in your relationship and believe it’s worth fighting for, seeking therapy for you or for you both of you could be the best step to take.
Healthy relationships can have positive impacts on the rest of your life, your mind, wellbeing and work, when you are in an unhealthy relationship which isn’t supportive, it can be extremely draining and have a major impact on you physically and emotionally.
Relationships have to have time invested in them, an ideal relationship consists of both partners always willing to listen to the other, thinking about the other person’s needs, not talking over each other or yelling and shouting at each other.
The moment one or both partners get’s physically anger and starts yelling or shouting, the other will inevitably stop listening and get defensive. The rest of the argument then ends up fruitless because both sides are hurt. This is why communication is key.
• Avoidance. If you and or your partner avoid discussing or talking about the issues you have in your relationship, this could be a sign of a bigger problem. Some people tend to think that only people who argue a lot need to seek Counselling, however, avoiding dealing with issues can lead to future complications in your relationships as the feelings/emotions for both partners are being repressed and building up.
• Co-dependency. This is formed when one or both partners rely on each other too much and thus creates a co-dependent relationship. What this means is, your confidence, self-esteem and happiness are based solely on your partner, so you rely on them to make you feel good about yourself. Being too dependent on your partner can cause resentment from the other and cause arguments and lead to further conflicts in the future.
• Deceit. Hiding things from your partner or them hiding things from you can cause a multitude of problems. Being able to establish this is happening and the reasons why can be the step to moving forward.
• Trust Issues. If you’ve been hurt in the past, this can lead to trust issues that you bring into the relationship. On the other hand, if you are constantly being asked questions due to their inability to trust you, you could become frustrated and hurt again leading to further problems in the future.
• Affairs. Affairs are one of the biggest problems couples will have to face, regardless of whether they are physical or emotional. For some people partners having an affair is a sign of the end of the relationship. In other cases, people want to work on their partnership. Relationship counselling helps with looking at what motivated the affair and what were the underlying issues, working on rebuilding the trust which can help couples overcome this issue.
• Cultural issues. Cross culture relationships can bring a unique set of differences arising from the difference in; culture, religion and or language barriers. Being able to discuss this openly and without judgement or biases can help couples to work through their issues
• Family issues. The way we relate to family members can be influential in our relationships. Conflicts with a family member or with family, in general, can cause tension or problems with your relationship.
There’s a number of things you and your partner can do to help create a more healthier relationship. The following are a few which could help your relationship:
Live independent lives, as well as a, being a couple. Both of you should be doing things on your own, with your own friends and families which you enjoy apart from each other. This allows you both to have breathing space, time apart and doing things you both like and still maintain a relationship.
Follow through with what you say. It’s a good idea to keep to your word as with any relationship we start to learn about the other person, whether we can trust what they say, how they behave, think etc. If you follow through on your words, your partner will know they can trust you keep to your word. Of course, it’s not always possible to follow through with everything you say but communicate that you can’t follow through to your partner and explain why. If you don’t communicate things to your partner, your partner could easily make assumptions and get it horribly wrong, which in itself could lead to frustrations and or arguments.
Apologise. If you make a mistake, own up to them and admit it to your partner but also make a conscious effort to not make the same mistake again. This shows your partner you’re willing to accept your mistakes and willing to do something about them, which in itself will make your partner feel like you’re thinking about their needs.
One thing to always remember is men and women think differently. Men are very literal and talk literally, women tend to think something and word it differently to how they’re thinking. When a woman wants to talk about their issues, they’re not necessarily asking for you to solve their problem – they’re just offloading and need someone to listen to them talk.
Men, however, tend to talk to find a solution to a problem and tend not to offload much. Having this knowledge can help a relationship, where both partners being aware of how the other thinks and works, can allow you to implement the necessary changes to help your partner i.e. listen to your partner without trying to solve the problem or take your partner literally.
Relationship counselling include couples who are married, in civil partnerships and or dating. Marriage counselling, couples counselling and relationship counselling work in the same, focussing firstly on communication and then the issues you both face.
Couples counselling can help explore these issues in detail. You can work on what’s going on without being judged. Our trained Counsellors and Psychotherapists in Birmingham, work with couples on an individual basis and can work with you as a couple as well.
We explore your past and or your behaviour patterns as a couple and look at ways you perceive what your partner says and does and how this impacts your relationship.
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Kay’s Counselling offers to counsel for those who are married, in civil partnerships or dating. We focus firstly on communication and then the issues which are being faced within the relationship.